New Focus

My last blog was kind of depressing.  This blog should have a more hopeful note. 

I talked with my sister-in-law, Heather and she said that maybe my waiting in Madison was to be available for when my dad moves to southern California this summer.  I would be the one to help him pack up and drive his car and trailer to CA.   After I had thought about this,I was at peace and my focus changed from what will I do next to waiting.  I won't be sitting around.  I will be actively waiting. 

My sister, Denise, has several projects that I am able to do around the house.  Currently, I am cleaning, fixing and painting the fireplace screen.  Apparently, my nephew, Ben, placed eleven cents and a brown crayon in the screen's track that caused it to have difficultly opening.   After fixing that problem, I am now painting the screen.  Tomorrow I should finish the screen.  I will also need to clean out the charcoal from the fireplace before setting in the newly painted screen. 

My sister also wants some landscaping done.  God has not been cooperating on that project.  Madison missed out on the last rain showers and the ground is rock hard.  I really don't look forward to digging in hard ground!  I know I will get some exercise with that project!

We are all going to Missouri's Ozarks for Memorial Day weekend.  I'm looking forward to an new place to check out.  My summer adventure is continuing but in a different form.

Black Hole - Stuck in Time

If you think I dropped off the face of the earth, well, I haven't exactly.  I'm stuck.  I've been looking for accounting jobs here in Madison.  I've applied for four jobs, but two were re-posted already.  The more I look at jobs and places to stay, the more I feel as if I'm slipping back into the old way of living.  I'm settling and not moving forward. 

I've come to realize that the bike trip was more than moving around on a bicycle, it was also a time of retreat and introspection.  Well the bike part has ceased, but the longing or desperate need for a time of retreat is still strong.  I've even looked into purchasing an RV again, but I can't afford the loan payments AND the time off for the retreat. 

Many times, I can ignore the feelings or suppress them with new things, but they never seem to go away.  I have asked God what is next, but I don't think I can hear Him very well, so I miss what He is saying.  I know I need lots of quiet time to learn to listen.  That was why I planned for six months off.  I figured that was more than enough time to learn to listen and then to follow.  Plus, I could get more bible study done, more reading done, more knitting done, and change my habits and thoughts. 

Everyone's prayers for guidance and for open and closed doors would be greatly appreciated.

Four days later

It has been four days since I ended the bike trip.  I really haven't given up on it, I am just adjusting my plans to include training and other factors. 

My original goals of listening to God and losing weight I can work on and achieve in a stationary setting as well as a moving setting.  The goal of observing small communities I can still do but using a car.  I would actually like to take a motorhome and see the US.  Yes, I know gas prices are obscene, but parking the motorhome for several months and then exploring is much cheaper. 

I have been asking God what the next step is.  It is hard to listen for his voice, let alone hear anything clear.  The most I can figure out is that God wants me to stay in Madison, for now.  I have a direction and now need to look for a room and job(s).  My ideal job would be working for a nursery, part-time as an accountant and part-time with the plants and customers.

For now, I will look for a room to rent and a job in Madison.  I will save money and increase my fitness.  I will attend an active church and continue to listen to God.

Thanks to all who have been following the blog.  The words of encouragement have buoyed me during this time of transition.  It is great to know that I can count on everyone for words of wisdom and encouragement.

Day 5 - Reflections

Additional emails in the morning with my sister, Denise, resulted in her, Ben, and my dad coming to pick me up.  This ride has officially ended.  I pack up my bags and bike and head out to meet Kelly and let her know of the change in plans.  I take Kelly out to lunch at Gordon's, which officially opens tomorrow.  The strawberry rhubarb pie is great!!  Just the right balance of sweet and tart.  After lunch, I head to Sylvan Park to wait for my ride. 

While I'm there, I see kids playing on the playground.  Apparently, the elementary school uses the city park as a playground. 

I highly recommend people to go to Lanesboro, MN and ride the trail, fish, and camp out here.  This is a great place. 

I do reflect on my ride and all the things I've learned. 

• I don't like to ride alone, especially for long periods of time.  I like companionship.
• I really should have completed some shorter trips to get my body use to riding long days and to test out my equipment and systems.  I was expecting my prior knowledge to get me through.
• I was running away from pain and not towards a specific goal.
• I had too many different goals that probably didn't match with the bike ride.
• I assumed my 10 year desire for a bike trip still fit into my current life goals.
• I was in a transition period (again) and I didn't take time to listen to God's next step for me.  I became too focused on something that wasn't thought out.

I also found out that because I had turned off my phone, my dad was worrying more about me.  Apparently, my entire family is happy that I stopped.

One question I asked God on the drive back to Madison is "What is the next step you want me to take to follow your plan?"

I need wisdom for the next step as different scenarios and opportunities are appearing.